Push!

It's obvious that I'm trying, but I seem to get held up by a lot of inconveniences, or distracted by things that have a great pull on my being that keep me from getting any of my projects done. However, I have overcome those byproducts that were manifested from those ill feelings. They have diverted my attention to what I need to do for myself. Two words: Build Yrself. This was the personal campaign that I started with once I moved to this city, and I will continue on with it until the foundation is strong enough. It might seem like I'm scolding myself every time I lose insight, but I feel it helps motivate me. I'm not trying to be self-deprecating, I get a little angry at myself about what I could be doing right now. Anger is a tool for my motivation, and creativity. Though it is not my only tool, for the other one is love. The two emotions are extremes, but not necessarily of each other, are engines to my ambition. If I behave neutral, or become comfortable with being complacent. The fire inside my heart becomes quelled, and my drive becomes lost in limbo. So I encourage those creative types out there. Beware of becoming too comfortable, because you will lose sight of what drives you.

-Peace

Boomerang retrospect

Currently I'm in Purgatory sitting things out and washing away my sins, and the foolishness that I have had over my head for awhile. I have had nothing, but personal anguish that has dominated my soul for the past few years. I have been eaten away day by day and have had every bit of eloquence, articulation, and wit driven out of my spirit. I guess that maybe it's the issue with my surroundings creating the null and void enviroment that saps my strength and ambition that I had before (gotta work on that proposal). If you are not embraced with the right amount of affection, why do you wittle your mind away with cheap diversions until even the slightest amount of resonance from them is erased out yourself (whatever one of those are). Everyone wants to be with someone whether it is at a max or min state.

I should have seen it before, and understood long time ago. But instead so mired in my own cerebral muck, I didn't pay much attention to the transformation or domesticated complacency that is created from a union of comfort. I have been there before, and how sweet every moment in that bubble of emotional warmth. It is an Aegis to the worlds bullshit. How amazing is that? And in doing so it gives you a feeling of perhaps there is more to this than you were getting before from this world. And maybe everything that you used know, was a waste. However after awhile you want to evade the enveloped warmth. It leaves you muggy and breathless for a while.

It used to be fun and progressive. However my fire inside has been retarded to only a puny flame. Redundancy has become my Emperor, and apathy the empire. It's kind of sad how everything has become. I spit at the digression, but my tongue is dry. I wasted saliva on things that have no point, only due to the fear of drowning in it. Like a dinghy that has popped a hole, the water must be constantly poured out, or I will sink. My diversions used to be tools for me. What happened? the Leviathan of mundanity swallowed me with itself. Now I am only a cliched tragedy, and I am not pleased with it. Build yrself.

Peace.

Catharsis Exercise I

I am not the type of person that I would use this as a place to express my feelings. However I have a lot of things that I need to let out, and I spend more time online than I do putting words in my notebooks. Of course I will not be using this as a testimony of all of my problems, and will express only things that I deem necessary to be put out in the public. Everything will also be discussed in a vague manner.

I don't put these things out here as cry for help, but just to make myself feel good about the problems that I'm going through. So for these early blogs, I apologize to anyone if they were looking for something great, and not the inner rantings born of someones own emotional suppressions. And when this blog grows, perhaps there will be no use to keep this on here.

I don't look for pity I am just trying to figure things out for myself, and one method is to let out what is going inside of me. This also works out as practice for me to get back into writing.

Peace